I recently gave a talk on 3 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage, and it went well. It was on Zoom, with a slide presentation. Nothing unusual or amazing about that I hear you say. They said it was helpful and interesting, and it resonated with them.
However, these people listening had no idea that I very nearly did not give that talk at all. I so nearly pulled out at the last minute. I was busy finding all the reasons in the book NOT to do it. I had LOTS of very ‘valid’ feeling reasons. Yet, a part of me knew I wanted to go ahead. It is an uncomfortable feeling.
Ironically, I was self-sabotaging myself.
- It was true that I had a bad internet connection and I was expecting an engineer.
- It was also true that I had a secret feeling that these people would not be interested in the subject.
- My confidence was not at a high on this day.
- A friend had passed away two days earlier and I had been feeling distracted and sad.
- And what did I know about self-sabotage anyway, to be able to help others with it?
So many reasons to hide.
As I put my slides together I realised that the whole situation was just a beautiful illustration of how I can best help people purely by being my authentic self. Because I totally understand how this happens, how it feels, and I experience it myself.
Luckily, I also know what to do and I can go through the steps to change my mindset and get through it! Moreover, I have many years of experience, training and tools to support me.
So I used what I knew and changed my perspective.
And it worked! Phew.
The reasons for self-sabotage can be
- low self-esteem
- imposter syndrome
- lack of confidence
- cognitive dissonance
- fear of failure
- fear of success
- wanting control
Which of these apply to you?
Even top high-flying celebs experience self-sabotage. Imposter syndrome is much more common that you might think! Jodie Foster, Meryl Streep. Emma Watson, Lady Gaga, Tom Hanks, Serena Williams, Arianna Huffington and more all say they suffer. Hard for us to believe – but this might help you feel better.
Changing Your Perspective
There are things you can do to change your perspective. Much of it is about changing your thought patterns and habitual thinking. I can help you too – ask me about this if you want to stop your self-sabotage. I’m happy to chat – no strings. Or perhaps try some Havening to re-wire your brain.
In the meantime, rest assured, you are quite normal. Half the world seems to have been comfort eating through the pandemic! Now that is another story…
Reminder: We are all a Work in Progress.
Here’s to being the best we can be!